Masochism, a soul pain, seen through the eyes of energy.

Masochism, a soul pain, seen through the eyes of energy.

I have been meeting clients in this wounding lately, repeatedly, and therefore I am in contact with the wounding in myself more acutely. It is a really sticky, tricky, and uncomfortable way to live life. The masochist lens to the world is exaggerated , the lens to the self is cloudy, it is a painful, life consuming, and essential wounding to heal.

Masochism, can result in depression, lead to self – abuse, self – destructive forces, and addiction to emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse from others.

I hope to shed some light, and bring some practical tools to a very real and complex form of human suffering for you, and for the people you know too. Every time, I use the word masochist it is meant to imply a condition of suffering, not to define a person – to define the condition. (Be careful with this, soon enough you may be going through life using this word and it will quickly attach itself to the distorted joy of masochism, create the detachment now.)

Remember, it’s a name for a prolonged state of soul pain, never a definition of a human being.

Masochism is a state of prolonged distance from the self. Formulated by a sense of self-hatred, fear, and humiliation. The world appears hostile, unfriendly, taking, invading, abusive, unfair, dark and essentially dangerous. Impending doom, mixed with a very subtle and chronic Hope that if I get it right, if I am better, more giving, more pretty, more quiet when I get hit, more reclusive, everything will be alright, there may be relief.

A sample of my cycle of masochism:

Masochism is one big, thick and ugly word, just like the state that the soul is suffering from.


Possible Triggers:

negative criticism, physical overpowering, women in a group talking about me, feeling accused of not caring sufficiently, feeling unworthy of love, invasive sexual interactions, bills I cannot afford, being called beautiful


Attack the self, exaggerated self-criticism, excessive cleaning, doing rather than feeling, stress driven over working, picking my face, leaving, hiding, doing anything I can think of that I know people around me will benefit from


despite all the effort I only feel worse, everything I did doesn’t satisfy me, feeling jealous of other people’s pleasure, all results unsatisfactory, world is cruel

 Emotional Overwhelm & Results:

Exhaustion, self-pity, self-hatred, seclusion, battle lost

Dark Depression:

feelings of satisfaction, my old friend, I knew it, hope is the enemy, nothing ever changes, fuck it, hide

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Masochism and depression become best friends, it’s like, no matter what, I always have it, this blanket of depression dividing me from the world… Masochism and depression hang out at parties, and prefer that nobody interrupt them. Together they unite in a ring of co-dependent energy concealing real joy, for glimmers of the hope that joy may one day return, behind a thick cloud of darkness. The person who is under the influence of an intense masochistic crisis is totally in the dark, the world looks black, they will have retreated deep in, or deep out. Which means that their subtle energy bodies abandon the danger of the physical world and are then allocated where the person perceives it to be safe.

Emotions of rage and grief fluctuate and pulse through the field. This emotional vibratory field make it very painful for the helper, or friend to get through. The vibrations of such negativity, also, attract more negativity. You might be trying to help your friend, and suddenly find your words becoming harsher, more negative, less compassionate, and even find yourself attacking and fulfilling the masochist’s perceptions of the world. EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT KNOW WHY YOU ARE SO UPSET, you are suddenly fueled by negativity too, and have now become the abuser! Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s pretty normal, as you start to detach and see care differently this will stop happening.

Psychically, flashes such as this appear in mind when in touch with the woundings of masochism.

When I look at the person I am helping through clairvoyance, very often I see it as the fairy tales with the princess up in the tower, the saviour must go through impossible fights, forests, black magic, he must fight against all odds to get through and up to the beautiful princess. I suggest that these stories of women in victim hood, and the knight coming to save them, is a quite perfect metaphor for masochism. Every masochist has fantasies about being taken out of masochism, being saved. Naturally, since the self is totally disregarded as having the ability, the help can only come from someone else. Of course this is exactly the other way around – a result of the distorted view masochism retains.

Masochism is birthed early in our lives, and continues to grow as the world continues to show us that it is hostile. The defense mechanism that has helped the subtle energy body leave the body, and be saved, is constructed of a very young consciousness, and works with simple principles. When we meet masochism in ourselves or in others, it does well to remember that this is a child’s construction, repeated and perfected throughout our lives. A child is brilliant, but usually an adult can outsmart the thinking patterns of a child and undo the spell. If, you know what to look for, and how to decode, and recognize this configuration then you can apply TRUE care, vs care-taking, and begin to undo what has been done.

You might be thinking now about the masochistic people in your life, comparing what I have written to what you know about them. Wiser, would be if you find the ways that you yourself suffer from masochism. All of us have a degree of masochism, because at some point in our lives we were punished in a state of total bliss, embarrassed by our nature, humiliated by our bodily functions, and restricted or not reflected positively in our essence. Sorry, but that means you too.

If you consider yourself a mild case, or can only point to a few places in your life, then keep reading and tune into how bloody difficult it is and has been to get out of – to truly heal that weakness. Hopefully, you may gain some ground for a deeper and more effective healing in these places of soul pain. While, becoming more compassionate and helpful to the people around you who are lost in it.

A person suffering from masochism, usually has a continual grip on it. That is to say that their entire energy field is consumed by the intense pressure and weight of holding up this energetic formation. Perpetual victimization is perceived as – the way life is. Masochists will dutifully put a smile on, to tell you, proudly with pain in their eyes, “I got this”. Help is akin to collapse, and relief from all the weight is unspeakably painful.

Masochists like other masochists.


Since the one helping a masochist, usually is himself a masochist, the effort will be in attempting to lift all those stones for the person, and give the sufferer some temporary peace. A true act of love between masochists. If he or she tries, most likely the helper will soon face a worse collapse than is customary, since it is an impossible task and the cycle of distorted love has been ignited. The good nature of the original masochist will be to carry now the weight of both. Two or more people holding up the weight in stones of the ancient Egyptian Pyramids.

It’s a crisis waiting to happen.

It is near to impossible to move this energy, interfere, suggest, or advise, and any such suggestions will push a person suffering from masochism into rage, or total collapse since they have tried all of that a million times, and failed. Furthermore, a sense of pride exists in the person suffering from masochism, self – esteem is connected to bearing pain. A very difficult relationship to unwind.

To remind a person suffering with masochism, what they should do, is to kick out the chair that they have been balancing on not to hang.

That is a graphic, and dramatic explanation, and absolutely true for the sufferer.

Of course, the difficulties arise when, friends, family, lovers, are on the outside of this wounding, and want to help.

Should the individual suffer the blow of a successive trigger, the energy virus that is masochism will attack the energy field like a dutiful autoimmune disease. The world goes black, the essence retreats deep into castle walls, and impending death feels imminent. If you were in NYC, like me, during and after the 9/11 mayhem you could relate it here. The outside world is unpredictable and likely violent, threat is constant and fear overwhelming. The only real pleasure is to be alive, however the hope of being alive wavers with the preparation for death by surprise attack.

There is a way.

It is slow going, it is deep, and it is aligned with the truth found in one’s own trickling energetic pleasure current. The helper cannot create a pleasure current for the suffering masochist, the helper must find the one and true pleasure current within, which already is familiar and reflect it.

The work is to guide and join the sufferer into this current – name it, explore it, and remain patient as it is lost over and over. The masochist wants to know it’s own pleasure, and will revolt when the positivity is prodded or given without just cause. Compliments of any kind must be small, honest, and reflective of the sufferers true feelings. Fabrications, or exaggerations of the true current will find you outside of the castle walls, blasphemer.

Since masochism creates a large division between, Ego and Soul, this is really where the work is. You cannot win an argument with a masochistic, you cannot shed positivity on their darkness, again impossible, you can however seek for their higher self, for their essence, for their sweetness, for their strength, for their interest to help others and reflect.

The soul holding the essence, and power for this lifetime will have to be returned to the Ego in order for the Ego self, and soul self to thrive in the physical world.

“Ego Death” is the first destination. Ego Death is the destruction of the physically based energetic DEFENSE configuration such as masochism which has performed as a giant detour for the masochist’s life which has been unconnected to the soul or higher self.

Destruction of the Ego is a highly uncomfortable experience, however it causes an enormous and simultaneous humility, inexplicably linked to divinity, and is a client’s first taste of true inner strength, and power. To refer back to the princess fantasy, my work is in joining the masochist in the tower, and helping her see her own way out. Small and slow steps, into life.

Soul pain, ultimately, is a result of the souls absence from the physical self, or Ego self. Healing is about relieving the Ego from the tremendous pressure of being in life all alone.

You are the one you are waiting for, you are the one you long for, you are the answer, you are the cure, you are the way. Asking for the soul to return to the body, is the point of true healing.

When I guide my clients through the energy system, and together we slowly repair the chakras, more pleasure is created, more strength is found. Do you remember when you finally learned to tie your shoes, or ride your bike, or get to the bus on your own? Do you remember the sense of freedom and pleasure? Well, understanding one’s own energy is like that, but times a million. It creates intense healing waves, self acceptance, excitement, true hope, and above all – empty space from which to occupy and create out of.

Cycles after cycles of witnessing a person climb out of their deep inner well, tower, basement, or whatever world they have sent themselves to, and claim stake in the real world, as it is, is the true healing of a masochist.  Hope is replaced by Faith.

A person, educated in their own cycles of abuse, shown the conditions at face value, reflected clearly and accurately will heal. The reason that they will heal, is that NOW, and only NOW, life is being created anew. The past remains so long as we invest in it, expect it, project it, and leave it unresolved.

Masochism, is seeking resolve. To resolve it, is to break the chains, and new life, life on purpose and with purpose is gained. A healed masochist is sweet as butter, helpful and strong, creative and sexually caring, they are respectful of boundaries, empathic and imaginative, and they will be with you through anything. Once the wounding is dealt with, the gifts are plentiful. For all the hardships, have molded incredible skill, incredible faith, and of course incredible light that used as an example will heal others.

Now, with all of this information, take a second look at the cycle:


Life will test you, me, and all of us. When we find ourselves in the cycle of masochism, we can choose at any point of the cycle to make a new choice. Together, with new found experiences of healing it, we will find ourselves back in it over and over as we find new triggers and life meets us for deeper resolve. That is normal and healthy, but can also make us feel like we went backwards, or lost our way again. No, that’s not it. There is no backwards in consciousness. Consciousness grows, always. If you are in a cycle, it’s because you are growing, again. That growing will never, ever stop, throughout eternity. Therefor, instead of seeing masochism as something you are stuck with, see it as something you are married to create the necessary friction for your soul’s growth in this lifetime.

If you would like to have a session with me for further assistance in healing simply click here to begin.

Thank you for reading, feel welcome to share and comment!

Copyright Beva Sewell February 6, 2015


  1. Hi Beva!
    Very interesting! One question (and forgive me if I am being a smarty pants), you wrote: “The defense mechanism that has helped the subtle energy body leave the body” – my question is, do the subtle energies leave the body or do they hide so deep they seem unattainable and unreachable (in the masochistic defense)? Also, I just wanted to let you know that when I tried to like a page, wordpress asked me to sign in which I could not do, not being a wordpress user… Is it me or is it a “bug”?
    Well done! high five and big hug! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sandra, a big thank you for your question! What an intelligent and important question. I love smarty pants questions, how else can I fill the holes I have left behind me, unless somebody points it out! Sandra also asked a second important question, – “it is the essence that hides deep inside in masochistic defense right – but I had thought of the energies more like compressing the physical body, holding the rage, squeezing the voice, suffocating the breath…no? ” Excellent awareness and contribution – I will explain fully, but right now my husband just got home with croissants and coffees and it’s our Happy Sunday favorite day of the week, so I am gonna have to make you wait till tomorrow! Until then, keep asking questions friends!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sandra, the energetic defense Masochism, different and complex in each individual is a blockage where the higher life sustaining subtle energy bodies, 8 chakra – 15 chakra are no longer accessing the physical body and contributing to and nourishing Chakras 7 – 1. In simple terms, the Higher Self of an individual is usually lost in this defensive stance, which in my opinion is the highest danger to a person’s life. The energy body from 1 – 7 is commonly named the aura. The aura, combined with the higher subtle bodies beginning with the chakra 8-15 can be joined all together, and called the Etheric Body. In my healings, I treat the Etheric body, not only the aura.

      A masochistic defense is an energetic configuration which was formed to block off the outside and it’s inconvenient feelings, however throughout life the same undeveloped defense will blocks off one’s own chakras 7 – 1 depending precisely on who we are talking about. Therefore, locking one’s essence deep inside. This locking away however, is a clever move on behalf of the wounded child. Since as time passes, and that wounded individual seeks therapy, like what I do, then the frozen essence can be met and released. The chakras can be educated and guided to open and run, the entire etheric to be cleared and psychological orientate a person to the Now. Getting a masochistic out of the darkness, into the light, and tolerating pure pleasure. Pure pleasure, perhaps can be seen as enlivened essence (enlivened soul).

      Most masochistic defenses will respond by closing their own system down, running the chakras co-dependently if they have someone to take energy from, or make themselves into the care taker – supplying energy to others, in extreme cases this will shut down 7-1 to but a trickle of energy in which case the energy body joins with the defense, and becomes a weight compressing the physical body, holding the rage, squeezing the voice, suffocating the breath, blocking connection to Earth, etc. Dark Depression, to put it simply. (to use your excellent examples)

      I have plans to map all of this out more clearly, but this is the most immediate way to answer those questions. I hope that this helps. Does it? xxxxx Beva

      Liked by 1 person

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