You know when people say these things to me, I tend to feel rage: —- It’s important to have friends. It’s important to be social. It’s important to tell people about your feelings. It’s important to tell the truth. It’s important to have fun. It’s important to be polite. It’s important to express the real you. It’s important to feel fulfilled.— Have you ever heard these general, blanket statements that make you feel guilty when you hear them as if you are not really doing any of those things. Statements like these cause me to bug my eyes out, nod in agreement, and get a stomach ache. But, really, do any of us know what this is all supposed to mean, especially when you put them in a row – like what a confusing message!? How useless are those statements?? Every time I hear statements like these, I am listening to a person who is rubbing me with gasoline, and about to light a match – at least I have a chance to find out. That rage is felt because there is truth there, god help me it is buried in bullshit though. Lately, when people say general stuff like this to me, intending to give me advice, I try to just slowly breath and look right in their eyes nodding. They are talking to themselves, and that’s the best advice they’ve got so far.
I think it is a rare and beautiful thing to find even one single friend who can actually understand how you think, and feel, and what you really need to do to have fun. (according to that moment in your life, that you are currently passing through – I have zero interest personally in having fun today, the way I had fun yesterday.) For example, if I have no idea about my feelings, or needs, how is it exactly that anyone might understand them for me? That is unless your friends are psychic, trained empaths who really know how to let loose, have no taboos, Ego-less artists of self-expression, who can apply themselves openly and honestly standing in their own strength to every situation, hurting no one. Does this describe your friends? If you are nodding yes, than good for you! If you are not nodding yes, than good for you! No matter the answer, there is more to discover about friendships formed at the soul.
The way that I have lived my life until now has meant constant change to my environment, and the people within that environment. I developed many deep and rich relationships in my life, however, as I change and move, and leave an old job or country, my relationships of old tend to fade in intensity and become replaced by an ever lasting sense of love. The bonds of love, however serving and fulfilling, can no longer supply me with the intensive friction a great friendship in the moment offers me to change and grow into a freer, happier person.
All of those ridiculous blanket statements should be buried without grief and replaced with ‘How’ at the beginning of every enquiry. Like this – “How can I learn to be more free in a social setting?” , “How can I be in empowerment while having fun?” , “How can I allow myself to try new things, and break old taboos, because I know that beyond the rules and safety there is some great treasure to be found?”
My soul friends are people I admire, firstly. My friends are doing something magical in their own lives that drives me forward in courage to attempt in myself. My friends are not worried about getting in an argument with one another – knowing how to go deep in pain and wounded-ness – how to shout and expose the ugliness of insecurity and self-pity and move forward in vulnerability and honesty. My friends look through everything I do, and see me, my light underneath it all, even when I make mistakes.
My friends are formed at the soul, and we change by the leadership of the heart. The heart becomes the starting and stopping point of desire and direction, and when two souls are formed in a great friendship – a group heart forms and we become a greater field of potential and intentionality. So everything we do together gets magnified and has the chance to reach fulfillment. Having fun, gets multiplied by two, and three and four people as we are out in the world aligned with our heart, until we suddenly find ourselves experiencing a gift of total unknown magical hilarity and aliveness – that is what I call having fun. (thank you fabulous strangers at the Basel Carnival last week 🙂 )
Everything that breaks down an old barrier within me, unleashes my child-like-wonder, and blasts me into my creative potential to remind me that life is just a ride… that is what soul mates bring to one another. Confidence to replace insecurity, trust to replace fear, laughter to replace the pain…
Friendships of the soul, soul mates, are the friendships worth looking for and many times loneliness is a precursor of finding such a deep friend. Sometimes, finding such a deep friendship might require that you open your mind, just a little bit more. To the people who you meet, you must look deeper, underneath the roles and circumstances and timing. Look past the skin, the hair and eyes. Look for the light inside of them, past their complaints and limitations. A soul mate can be found, when you yourself start to be and act out of your own inner light. Loneliness, and the pain of not having this someone, will always help you get there. Much better, much better, than lying to yourself that what you already know is enough. What you already know, is never enough – your soul wants to expand at every moment of your life. During your sleep, during the train ride, during your breakfast… get out of the way! open yourself! admit your wish to have such a friend and then keep your faith close by! Your faith will hold you in every instance of loneliness and confusion, better than the lies and superficial relationships that you might be replacing your faith with.
Sending you my love and encouragement for a softening of defense, and an opening towards soul mates in your life.
Thank you dear reader, I welcome your thoughts and questions below,
Photography and Writing Beva Sewell Copyright 2015