Gazing into the eyes of sheer terror.

This morning, I am up before the birds, awoken by a nightmare that shook me to my very core.  When I finally convinced myself to get up instead of lie there in the dark, in panic, I saw my face in the mirror. It was white totally.

Dragging myself out of the terrible nightmare, I am sitting in the French coffee place Paul in Glyfada waiting for the sun to come up and writing to this blog to soften the weight on my chest. The music plays the eerie and calming Doris Day singing ‘Que Sera, Sera’, it feels right to be as close to the French as I can right now.

Like you, I am affected by the news of terrorism in Europe, then of course Beirut, then of course Syria, then of course IS, then of course the reacting French air attacks… the time line – it rolls and rolls, until I land in my own core of and experience of terrorism on 9/11, and the subsequent American invasion.

You are undoubtedly no different than me, the events in the news will stir inside of you a re-wounding, a re-examination of your previous experience with terror, injustice, and what you may perceive to have been an act of evil.

When you have personal experience in gazing into the eyes of terror, you have no other option than to have absorbed a lot from the experience. Some people are driven to terror at the thought of a needle puncturing their skin, at the sight of a certain skin color, or a strange dog approaching.

We all know terror, it is incorporated into the reptilian brain, our ancient survival mechanisms and flight or fight responses.

When faced with large scale terror, such as a terrorist attack, the questions begin… What could be the justification for acts of terror? What will be the response? Who is to blame?  What will we do to such darkness?

Jiva Shadows 2015

Human beings tend to respond to terror, by attempting to squash it.  Kill it, burn it to the ground, annihilate it. Terror responds to this act by re-organising itself, with stronger justification and new commitment to it’s cause.

How is any of this different then events all throughout history?  Was not Jesus killed on a crucifix? were not people burned alive for their religious beliefs all across Europe for centuries? Did Hitler not exterminate?  Did Stalin not take the lives of millions? How many are dead at the hands of American, French, English Military current not past?  How many Native American’s lives were taken so that America could be born? Aztec lives? Aboriginal?  Mexican lives crossing a border? It’s endless. 

Can you see a pattern here?

In response to the IS Jihad, having read the letter issued by IS taking claim to the attack in Paris, looking closer into the beheadings, mass shootings and prayer scripture giving all to God/Allah, I can’t get the following questions out of my head…

  1. Are these people not seeking freedom?
  2. Is physical life so intolerable, so dark, so poor, so full of injustice that death and sacrifice to their God the only real hope?
  3. Are western mind’s willing to see the darkness perpetuated by our zero tolerance policies, trigger happy war machines?
  4. Are we going to paint our facebook pictures the color of the French flag, and associate solidarity with the unspoken ease of murdering this IS militia in their home base? Does solidarity mean more murder? resulting in more terrorism?
  5. Is anyone else interested in hearing from these people, listening to what is going on to them, considering them as fellow humans, sisters, brothers, sons, fathers and mothers who have rights and hearts?
  6. Where are the trials?  I really, seriously, would have liked to hear an Osama Bin Laden trial, do you remember the long and exhaustive trial for OJ Simpson on TV?  Classes at school were given over to that trial in my school as a kid.  And for the biggest terrorist, number 1 threat there is no demand to hear what he had to say?

Healing Shadow Consciousness

I have healings and sometimes my clients are not always the ‘innocent victims’, sometimes they act in cold and dark ways, sometimes they were and are the perpertrators.  They have done mean, even unspeakable things, and when I see their energy field I have to actually manage to look at this darkness without loosing my ability to love them, or at least tolerate my heart remaining open, so as to lift some of the damage. To stare directly into black is just as hard as gazing into the sun, you will have to turn away at some point.  There has been no example in all of my experience that the person acting in cruelty, was not directly attacked and traumatised by cruelty in the past.  I would go further to say, that all cruelty is a reaction to cruelty.

When I can no longer look at the darkness, the healing is done for that session.


If I stay longer, I begin to react and fight with the darkness.  I try to change it and then it has won. Like a virus it spreads inside of me and starts to eat at my light body.  There are times that I have been taken so far away into the darkness of a healing that the power of dark entities were able to start attacking me psychically, that only the highest of all spiritual entities that I had access to could help me get back.

Terror causes terror, it happens to all of us, but allowing that to be the only option is an unnecessary limitation.  Terror in and of itself is no other than a cry for help.  It is not pretty, because the circumstances are not pretty. Sometimes, cries for help come in the most disturbing of ways.

If extreme fundamentalist muslim groups form in terror, and seek liberation by death, it is not difficult to attack the western mind and it’s severe resistance to death.  Death on the one hand is a release, death on the other hand is unspeakable murder.

To the best of my knowledge so far, to the largest capacity I have, I am attempting to hold the bloody sword in my mind and heart, and I pray for an exit point from the cycle of terror.

The night the terror attacks happened, last Friday, I was teaching a class on Oneness, and teaching about the light body and chakras. The most simple and perhaps most difficult of all spiritual truths, asks us to see each other as a reflection of ourself.  No part of the whole can be isolated and made separate no matter its dysfunction.  Healing then, can only happen when we are prepared to look into the shadow, the darkest aspects of our unconscious – our hatred, our killer instinct, our revengeful minds, our pain bodies.

As we accept ourselves as having them, as we accept ourselves as playing a role in all that is, we change even if it is slight, the collective consciousness and it’s vibratory capacity for responsive compassion.

Lastly, I leave you with one more quote from Jiva:

Never point fingers, except to your own inner darkness, hatred and ignorance.

The sun has risen, and mine has too,


Copyright HealingwithBeva 2015


Channeled messages from my spirit guide Jiva.



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