Loneliness – Pain as an ID

This August has been an incredibly challenging emotional-shadow consciousness upheaval for me. Really, an unbelievable surge since the lunar eclipse.

Because everybody I know and care for are also going through such a deep and stormy time, I thought it might be considerate to get back to the written word since my practice is closed for the month.

My wish is to show you the way to your shadow, and help you with what to do next.

By a good friend, I was once called an ‘Island’, no one gets in or off this island that is me.

When we look back at what has happened in our lives, at the way the water beating against us has shaped and curved our borders, sometimes softening edges and sometimes crystallizing the dark spots, we forget to remember how essential the darkness has been.

We forget to feel love for the pain we have endured. Most often it is because we cannot identify the purpose for the pain in our life.

We find life within our internal landscape, we find energy and we find consciousness even in the most desolate places, even in the places that we are trying to Choke the life from.  (Although inherent in the Shadow is the act of unconscious choking)

On the outside, life incessantly presents itself to us, even when we feel we cannot handle any more than this.

Life is ringing our door, and buzzing our phone, and emails are landing, there is no real way to get away from Life, or the pain, even if you run to the other side of the world, and you change your number, and you hide where you think no one can ever recognise you.

Eventually no matter how hard you may try, in time, you will find yourself making new relationships, stepping out of isolation and talking to the man from whom you buy fruit.

Suddenly, he becomes a new character in your book and you care for him, and his moods and his way and his eyes on you remind you that you exist and that you matter.

To me, that would be the beginning signs of picking up and moving somewhere else.

I have moved countries, and residences, flown boxes around a good section of the globe, I have changed residence permits and tax identification, spoke new languages, changed like a chameleon, malleable as water, anything to find home, to find my people, to find my family.  This August I was nearly ready to change my passport.

The passport perhaps could ease some of my confusion and some of my identity issues I thought, perhaps help me to create home such as the one I lost, perhaps recapture the simplicity and wholeness of my innocent child self. Perhaps even allow me to settle, to be still and to belong somewhere.

Even if you move to the most beautiful house in the most beautiful place you can imagine, again your pain will find you.  Even if you succeed and make money, again your pain will find you.  Even if you get married to someone you believe will make you happy forever, again your pain will find you.

Yesterday, I found myself in the arms of the woman who makes me coffee, sobbing into her hair my pure desperate loneliness. As I mentioned, in the past this would be a point of no return, that would be the end of that coffee place, and probably if I could not replace it, then I would need to move.  I am not joking, in case you are wondering.

Loneliness is inherent in working with our Shadows.  People’s go to response is to get rid of it, and often in healing sessions people are all to eager to cast it away and be done with it. It is all too often the very reason that someone seeks healing, or a healer.

I too, once, humbly swallowed my illusions of the purpose and way of healing when one day Barbara Brennan informed me that healing never stops.

When emotional pain rises up, it rises despite the walls of resistance we have specifically designed, despite the psychological denial we have skill-fully crafted, and the physical distance we may have put between who we want to be and who we are.  We are inevitably confronted with our loneliness.

There is a reason, and that reason is essential for the fullness of our lives.

What I want you to do is this.

Ask yourself the following question:

If I removed the pain from my life’s story, what would I have to do?

My shortened answer looks something like this:

If I removed the pain from my life’s story  I would have to remove all the travel, all the people, all the stories, all the changes, all the art, all the healing, all the views, all the smells, all the laughter, all the adventure, all the sunsets, all the courage, all the love, and in one word, all the growth.

So, allow me to show you a further view of our Pain ID.

The worst things in your life, and the worst things in my life are so masterly placed, and are so magnificently designed.

Shaping our hearts, shaping our road, shaping our desires in just the right way so that we may live and live fully.

I am an island, I do stand and hold myself against the storms,  I do allow strangers to rest on my shores, and I do share my treasure with the world.

Part of my pain was to learn to be alone.  If we cannot be alone with ourselves, we cannot be at all.

I was designed to have lived all over the world, without the pain how could I tolerate leaving home in the first place?

I was designed to be a light house for people, I was designed brave and sensitive.

My pain shaped me, and when I remember to love it, when I remember to honor it, the final step towards working with the shadow may appear.

The final step when working with our shadow, is remembering the designer.  God has designed me, he has shaped me, he has prepared me and my pain is part of that design.

Running from it, hiding from it, continuing the battle is to prolong the revelation of purpose in your life. The shadow reveals itself for one reason, so that you may understand and serve the purpose that God has designed for you.

This last sentence is enough for me, it puts my pain and my worries back into God’s hands, whom I humbly allow to teach me and whom I humbly submit my life too.

I may not be like other people, I may be an island, but I am your island and you can always rest on my shores.

With love,






1 Comment

  1. Thank you! This has been a very challenging time not just for me but for many that I know. I’ve seen so many changes in myself and you’re words and views always help me so much!

    Liked by 1 person

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